Turn me up, turn me down
This is an article I snitched from Straits Times. Wonderful.
Ladies, don't fret about saying no to that guy who hits on you. We men can take it - really
By Pradeep Paul
THE other day, a colleague came to me for advice (okay guys, enough with the sniggers already).
A guy was asking her out. And she wanted to know how she could say no, without hurting his feelings.
Nothing wrong with that. She's an attractive and vivacious woman, has a great sense of humour as well as a heart (hence the desire not to hurt his feelings).
Just one problem: She's married.
Spotting the quizzical look on my face, she explained hurriedly. It started off with friendly banter. Then came subtle hints, which she evaded tactfully.
But, now, it had become more persistent.
All this while the guy was aware of the ring on her finger.
While some women would have screamed sexual harassment, she chose to see it as a concern.
She liked the guy... as a friend. She didn't want to lose the friendship. Yet, she also had no plans to accept his invitation for dinner.
How was she going to handle this, as she put it, 'delicate' matter, she asked me?
In typical guy fashion, I told her to be blunt: Tell him you are not interested.
But wouldn't that be 'rude' - again, her choice of word - she countered.
I explained that, in guy planet Mars, the only things considered rude are not letting a man join a football game or not sharing beer.
How would you do it, she asked.
And that's what got me thinking. I've never had to deal with something like this.
You see, ladies, we men never get hit on like this. Not unless your surname is Pitt or Clooney.
Oh, sure, we get signals - flicks of hair, flirtatious smiles - but we don't get asked out by the opposite sex. Not very often, at least.
Don't believe me? Ask any man how often he's been asked out by a woman he's never been out with before.
In fact, I took it one step further. I polled some independent, outgoing women - no, not the Destiny's Child threesome (I wish); they are friends and colleagues - and they all felt the same way.
Smash glass ceilings? No problem. Match any man in the sporting arena? Easy. Get under the car and fix that oil leak? Give them that wrench.
But ask that cute guy out? Er, sure, he's hunky, but they're waiting for him to make the first move.
It might be an Asian thing, but all these women had a common refrain: That's the man's job.
They're willing to do all the flirting, the preening, the hinting. But, when it comes to making that big move - crossing the line between buddy-buddy and hubba-hubba - it's left to the man.
It's always the guy who has to work up the courage - in most cases, the Dutch version - to make the move. And the woman has the luxury of making the choice.
Which brings me back to my colleague and her friend.
I told her to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that she was not interested in crossing that line.
I also reassured her that he, having hot blood coursing through his veins, would not be devastated.
If he was an ordinary bloke, he'd probably shrug off his disappointment. Lie low for a few days. And then scour fresh pastures.
If he was an extraordinary bloke, he'd probably shrug off his disappointment. Have a few more beers. And then scour.
You see, ladies, this is yet another area where we men are very different.
We don't over-analyse things. Matter of fact, most times we don't even analyse. We just do what we have to do... and move on.
It applies to everything we do, and was well illustrated during an episode of Oprah Winfrey's talk show which I caught on television recently (hey, I was doing research for this column).
She had a panel of men - among them fellow talk show host Jay Leno and singer Brian McKnight - on stage with her. The poor guys were being pelted with 'Why are men like this?' questions from the mostly female audience and some women in the street.
The women wanted to know why men like to watch porn, find golf so fascinating, and won't pick up after themselves.
Funnily enough, no woman actually came out with the crux of the issue: Why aren't men more like women?
Anyway, the most interesting question to me was why men don't like to cuddle after you-know-what.
Leno, who had dominated much of the responses from the panel, jumped in again. He explained that while the woman was most probably basking in the afterglow of the physical union and thinking about names for the children she was going to have with the man beside her, he was probably thinking that he needed a snack. Perhaps pizza.
'The guy's probably thinking: 'Hmmm, sausage or pepperoni?',' he said.
So what did my colleague do eventually?
She followed my advice and reminded the guy that she was married and had no intention of taking up his invitation.
And how did he react?
He shrugged off his disappointment. Laid low for a few days. And then continued to be her friend.
Good man.
Ladies, don't fret about saying no to that guy who hits on you. We men can take it - really
By Pradeep Paul
THE other day, a colleague came to me for advice (okay guys, enough with the sniggers already).
A guy was asking her out. And she wanted to know how she could say no, without hurting his feelings.
Nothing wrong with that. She's an attractive and vivacious woman, has a great sense of humour as well as a heart (hence the desire not to hurt his feelings).
Just one problem: She's married.
Spotting the quizzical look on my face, she explained hurriedly. It started off with friendly banter. Then came subtle hints, which she evaded tactfully.
But, now, it had become more persistent.
All this while the guy was aware of the ring on her finger.
While some women would have screamed sexual harassment, she chose to see it as a concern.
She liked the guy... as a friend. She didn't want to lose the friendship. Yet, she also had no plans to accept his invitation for dinner.
How was she going to handle this, as she put it, 'delicate' matter, she asked me?
In typical guy fashion, I told her to be blunt: Tell him you are not interested.
But wouldn't that be 'rude' - again, her choice of word - she countered.
I explained that, in guy planet Mars, the only things considered rude are not letting a man join a football game or not sharing beer.
How would you do it, she asked.
And that's what got me thinking. I've never had to deal with something like this.
You see, ladies, we men never get hit on like this. Not unless your surname is Pitt or Clooney.
Oh, sure, we get signals - flicks of hair, flirtatious smiles - but we don't get asked out by the opposite sex. Not very often, at least.
Don't believe me? Ask any man how often he's been asked out by a woman he's never been out with before.
In fact, I took it one step further. I polled some independent, outgoing women - no, not the Destiny's Child threesome (I wish); they are friends and colleagues - and they all felt the same way.
Smash glass ceilings? No problem. Match any man in the sporting arena? Easy. Get under the car and fix that oil leak? Give them that wrench.
But ask that cute guy out? Er, sure, he's hunky, but they're waiting for him to make the first move.
It might be an Asian thing, but all these women had a common refrain: That's the man's job.
They're willing to do all the flirting, the preening, the hinting. But, when it comes to making that big move - crossing the line between buddy-buddy and hubba-hubba - it's left to the man.
It's always the guy who has to work up the courage - in most cases, the Dutch version - to make the move. And the woman has the luxury of making the choice.
Which brings me back to my colleague and her friend.
I told her to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that she was not interested in crossing that line.
I also reassured her that he, having hot blood coursing through his veins, would not be devastated.
If he was an ordinary bloke, he'd probably shrug off his disappointment. Lie low for a few days. And then scour fresh pastures.
If he was an extraordinary bloke, he'd probably shrug off his disappointment. Have a few more beers. And then scour.
You see, ladies, this is yet another area where we men are very different.
We don't over-analyse things. Matter of fact, most times we don't even analyse. We just do what we have to do... and move on.
It applies to everything we do, and was well illustrated during an episode of Oprah Winfrey's talk show which I caught on television recently (hey, I was doing research for this column).
She had a panel of men - among them fellow talk show host Jay Leno and singer Brian McKnight - on stage with her. The poor guys were being pelted with 'Why are men like this?' questions from the mostly female audience and some women in the street.
The women wanted to know why men like to watch porn, find golf so fascinating, and won't pick up after themselves.
Funnily enough, no woman actually came out with the crux of the issue: Why aren't men more like women?
Anyway, the most interesting question to me was why men don't like to cuddle after you-know-what.
Leno, who had dominated much of the responses from the panel, jumped in again. He explained that while the woman was most probably basking in the afterglow of the physical union and thinking about names for the children she was going to have with the man beside her, he was probably thinking that he needed a snack. Perhaps pizza.
'The guy's probably thinking: 'Hmmm, sausage or pepperoni?',' he said.
So what did my colleague do eventually?
She followed my advice and reminded the guy that she was married and had no intention of taking up his invitation.
And how did he react?
He shrugged off his disappointment. Laid low for a few days. And then continued to be her friend.
Good man.
posted by Fred at 12:05 pm
1 Comments:
i noticed u didn't have any comments for your past FIVE entries so here's my 2 cents' worth :)
all i can say is that in the first place, the man who asked the married woman out is either plain stupid (because he knew she's married), he was trying to break up her marriage or he's a flirtatious, love-to-go-out-with-many-women guy. ;)
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